not everything needs a sign

Jill sent me an email about making Godly decisions. We have even been talking about making decisions in the bible study I attend. Jill heard a sermon and it stuck with me and the discussion we had at our bible study made me feel like I have a little different view on things than some. I may be wrong, and you can tell me that, but I don't think there is a right answer for everything. I believe that God will bless you in your decisions, provided you are living for Him.

Jill told me her pastor said we will not always get signs. God is not always obvious, and sometimes we need to ignore the signs and just take acion and have faith. The early church had sign after sign to quit. Job lived a pitiful life and all signs pointed to his faith being unreal. It sucks not knowing what will happen and it's hard when you aren't getting the confirmation you want so badly. Life is hard, it's supposed to be. I think sometimes God just wants us to jump in the mud and wade through it. And I don't think signs are required for decisions. I'm currently in action just trusting God will provide energy, hope, and resources I need.



He also calls us to be thankful for everything, even the hard stuff. If you've ever read Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place, they gave thanks for the fleas that infested their beds and bit them all night.

It is a conscious effort for me to motivate myself everyday and to remain positive with the decisions I've made. That is why this is in my head. Every day my deployment seems it may fall through, I have nothing solid right now. To be honest, it is hard for me to be positive but I am. It'd be nice to have a "sign" but I think I've decided I'm okay walking through the mud right now.

And we laughed and we laughed...

The weird things I want...

I look at the bandage on my arm and all I can think is I hope there is a pussy pock under there. Then I go to change it and I see my shoulder is clear of wonds and it bumms me out. This is why, if it doesn't pock, I will have to get a small pox vaccine again! I don't dig needles.

Next week I pick up uniforms for the dessert and shoot guns and get briefings... At night I close accounts, pack my apt, think about what I'm going to do with my things and spend a lot of time on the phone with my family. So I apologize if I haven't returned your call or answered your email, I will do it, give me time.



Currently my 3 sisters and best friend are in town visiting me!!! soooo much giggeling and silly funness. I'm happy they are here and they are happy to, as you can see on Jill and Jens faces.

Sometimes God makes things obvious

From a very young age I had a developed work ethic that opened opportunity after opportunity. For me to go to college, it was necessary that I went on a full ride. I got most scholarships I applied for but all left a little to pay in the end and I had nothing to pay it with. When I received word on the AFROTC scholarship I received the highest level they offer. A non-capped 4 year scholarship to any school I want. St Louis University wrote me and offered to pay for all my room and board. Without ever having seen the school or ever having heard about it, I decided to go there.

All my college friends can tell you, I hated ROTC in college, I hated the idea of being in the military, wearing a uniform and having no control over where I got to live. All I wanted to do, and even still want to do is be a teacher. Being content with how I was blessed was a major struggle in my life. One year I tried to change my major knowing it would cause me to lose my scholarship and have to get out of ROTC and even pay them back for the 3 years they invested into me. God took care of that one too. I was the only person in that year to be allowed to keep my scholarship and change majors. Even still, my poor friends had to talk me into believing it was a great opportunity until they graduated. Right before my last semester of college, one of my closest friends left the ROTC program and I was disheartened. I felt again that I didn’t want to do this AF thing.

When I graduated I filled out a “dream list” of jobs and locations I wanted. Many people get locations they don’t choose, and even I got a job I never asked for. I was given the job Research Analyst in the Scientist career field. As you all know, I was then placed at the Pentagon, where Lt’s are rare and out of place.

God put me under command of my boss Dave, who taught me with patients and encouragement. I was given high level projects I saw testified to congress, as new AF policy. My analysis determined programs written about often in the AF Times. I love my job. I love being an AF officer. After my first year of being in the AF, I received a huge award as Officer of the Year in the category that included officers with 0 to as many as 10 years of service. The auditorium literally gasped when we heard I, a Second Lieutenant had won.

Then in my personal life: My sister, who was supposed to move to live with me in DC, had a job fall through. I was very sad about this. Then as my current lease was about to end, I found I had a new lease in a cockroach infested apartment. Once I was able to get out of that, I faced looking at the end of Feb with no where to go. The following Monday, I was told there was a deployment opportunity available. The Thursday after, I found out that I finally did have a place to go at the end of the month.

I am being deployed to work a job that will open a lot of opportunities for me in my future. I was requested by name.

FACT:

My Mom is more neat than your mom.

I'm serious.

She rides my vespa like a true biker babe.

Top Secret Messages

Check out this tree I saw at Arlington. We should go there.

sista sista, remember when you wanted your name to be Bobby? Or putting on pink dreses and riding the horses like that. We were pretty P's.

Patricia, I'm addicted to the little dity, best work yet.

kids, I'm sorry I let everyone down by not going to jazz, I'm sure your Thursday was missing so much, but I had to go cry at a boys house.